Downtown Boise has proven to be full of sub par bachelors lately. Not that there are ever any really quality guys out on the town looking for chicks, but some people really take the cake.
Earlier this month we were at a bar when a guy comes up to one of my friends, looks her in the eye, and asks, “Did you just fart? …..because you just blew me away.” Dear Lord. I can only hope that was the result of a dare. Shelly looks and him and asks, “Did you SERIOUSLY just use that as a pickup line? Are you kidding!?” while we all stare on in disbelief (..or laugh. I couldn’t really help but laugh). Later that night as I was standing at the bar to get a drink a guy puts his arm around my waist and asks where the bathroom was. I pointed him in the right direction and face the bar, only to feel his hand slide down my back and caress my butt as he asks, “Do you want to come with me?” What?! Hell no I don’t want to come with you! I swatted him away like a fly as I told him off and ordered my drink. Clearly Boise’s boys were in top form that night.
I decided to give Boise another try last weekend. I mean, even if the girls dress like its Vegas and the boys are all bros, it’s good for a laugh. As we were making our way to the last bar of the night I met Tommy Two Face. Ok ok…he’s not exactly Tommy Two Face, that’s an exaggeration, and his name is actually John. John is from the Tri Cities, so it isn’t really fair to pin this one up on the Boise fails list. Our group joined up with Johns and we all went to the same bar, so we got to talking. He was actually pretty nice, and talkative, and he bought me a beer, so it’s really common courtesy when they aren’t a total creep to stay and chat. He ended up somehow staying with me as his friend’s went to the Pie Hole to grab pizza. It was time to go and I needed to find a way to nicely part ways. I bit my lip in thought as I contemplated how to nicely make my escape. I finally settled on, “Well, bummer you have to head back to your hotel. You should probably go find your friend’s so you don’t get left behind. I have to head out anyway….” That seemed to have settled it. We had swapped numbers so I shot him a text wishing him luck in finding his way back and thanking him for the conversation. He replied with, “I will do my best! I didn’t get a chance to mention…you.are.adorable. Nuff said.” Adorable? What am I, a puppy? I guess some people would consider that sweet.
I thought that was that and I would never hear from him again, seeing as it was saturday and he left town on monday. I was proven wrong the next day when I received a text from him saying it would be great to run into each other at the fair. I was in no mood to go to the fair so I told him I would think about it but I was going to be pretty busy. For the record, “busy” meant sitting by myself at home while eating a whole box of mac n cheese straight from the pan as I watched the entire first season of Grimm. He texted me later asking what I was doing for the rest of the night, and I told him I was hanging out with a friend that just came into town(I wasn’t). He replied with “Can’t say I’m not bummed about not being able to see you again just to say goodbye, the best wishes in life’s journey-since, chances are, I won’t see you (or those eyes) again…” Or those eyes?! Flattering. He then asked me if I wanted to stay in touch despite the fact that I was going across the world. I consented enough to ask if he had facebook and I get this gem of a reply, “I do…heres the thing. I have a confession….I have a girlfriend. I am genuine, tho, when I say I don’t want to just say ‘ok, have a nice life now’..” Oooooh cat’s out of the bag. Girlfriend, aye?
After assuring him I was looking for nothing of that sort because I was leaving and don’t know him anyway, he shot back with, “Not to say I didn’t notice you biting you lip when you were telling me it was a bummer I had to go back to my hotel 😉 if I was single, or had any less of a conscience…let me tell you ;)” Oh no. Ohhhh no…such a horrible, HORRIBLE misinterpretation of the lip bite. Yeah, some conscience. So after telling me I was adorable, talking about how cute I was, saying it’s a shame we didn’t meet earlier, mooning over my eyes, and referencing what he saw as a potential hook up…he drops the girlfriend bomb. Despite the fact that John seemed pretty legit at first, I am so glad I was way too into Grimm to make time for him in my ‘busy schedule’.
Tri Cities, I think you beat Boise in who has the classiest guys. To make it better, I got a 1240am booty text asking if I was still hanging out with my friend. I told him it was a sleepover. Oh, and I haven’t heard from him since he went back home to his girlfriend.