While the angels delight in things like dill pickles, peanut butter, and fudge….the devil delights in durian. Truth.
I do not understand all the hype about a fruit that tastes like I’d imagine my socks would after an hour-long workout in this Thailand heat. During the unfortunate durian season its putrid stench permeates the sticky air, clinging to the insides of my nostrils, leaving me trapped in a prison of noxious fumes where all I want to do is run my finger around the inside of my nose in an attempt to cleanse my airways but I can’t because I’m a 25 year old woman in the middle of a very public market. I’m not even exaggerating (much), durian is banned in most hotels and public forms of transport. You know why? The smell; the poisonous stench seeping from that weird, yellow, wrinkly flesh of the fruit. Pretty sure the outside of this fruit is hard and spiky because YOU ARENT SUPPOSED TO EAT IT. That’s my theory, anyway.
And did you know that if you eat a lot of durian and drink alcohol you could actually die? The high sulfur content inhibits the body’s ability to clear toxins from the body by about 70%. Obviously this is no party snack. It is also a “hot fruit” and can cause excessive sweating because it heats up your body. Why on God’s green Earth would I want to sweat more than I already do in this weather? Those who are severely desperate seem to believe that durian is some sort of aphrodisiac. After my experience ingesting this dirty diaper of fruits all I felt was nauseous.
Some fool even tried to make candy from durian. You know what the other ingredients are? Salt, onions, and vinegar. Vinegar! Who in their right mind would call that candy?! That sounds even worse than Bakon Vodka…and to this day taking a shot of bacon flavored vodka was probably one of my worst decisions.
I just don’t understand how a continent with such beautiful places can grow something so evil. Yes, evil. Sulphur, smell of rotting carcasses, raised body temperature, potential untimely death…I mean come on, “Oh, hey, come on in ya old Devil, were just chowing down on the by-product of your hometown.”
And that, in it’s spiky little hate shell glory, is how I feel about durian.